When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
