is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
His nipple licking is glorious
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