Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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