Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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