He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
