All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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