It's Friday. Sex?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
