: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Please, let me fuck your mom
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
