Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
