I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
