you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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