Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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