the day after is always just damage control
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
