i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
