An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
