my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
