You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
