Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
