i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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