my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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