I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
