you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The air was thick with penises
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
