Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
