please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
