he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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