Umm I'm too high to move.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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