i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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