im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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