she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
