thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize