come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
