Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
