I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
