1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fuck appropriateness.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize