so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
