2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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