Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
