its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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