the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
