if you like me you must not know who I am
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
