I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
