the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
