Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize