After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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