He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
