I just threw up on my dentist
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
