How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
