just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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