So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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