Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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