Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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