planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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