You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
