His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
