Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
