He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
