I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
God, I missed his penis.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
