i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
