wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
