I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
