I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
