i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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