I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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