It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
