I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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