I'm sorry my penis didn't work
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize