I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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