We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
People in love make me want to vomit
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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